Cold comfort

October 29, 2004

If Bush says we hate freedom, let him tell us why we didn't attack Sweden, for example.

Top 10 reasons why Osama Bin Laden didn't attack Sweden:

10. Couldn't tell Sweden from Switzerland.

9. Attackers decided to take extended sick leave at 80% pay instead.

8. Stockholm World Trade Center is only seven stories high, and they couldn't find it.

7. Osama's illness turns out to have been Stockholm Syndrome.

6. Has been reading a lot of Little Green Footballs, thinks Sweden is a Wahhabist theocracy.

5. WMD attack did occur, but Swedes are immune to surströmming bombs.

4. Because everybody knows Sweden has no army.

3. Will never forget the summer of 1982 in Afghanistan and those long warm nights with Lotta Hedman, that hot Swedish backpacker — especially how she would unravel her blond pigtails as they bathed naked in the Amu Darya while the full moon illuminated the Hindu Kush. He still wakes up in a sweat thinking of her. Sometimes he wonders what has become of her.

2. IKEA furniture easy to transport from cave to cave. Especially likes his Lagom™ brown tarpaulin backdrop and Slarvig™ collapsible desk.

1. Still holding out hope for a Nobel.

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